What Holds You Back Isn’t Fear — It’s Vanity.

A few weeks ago, I attended a conference with plastic surgeons.

One renowned doctor — based in California — caught my attention.

Not because he showed his best results, but because he stood on stage and spoke openly about his mistakes.

He shared how hard it had been to admit that, after countless procedures with disappointing outcomes, the problem wasn’t his patients — it was his own approach.

He spoke with humility about the discomfort of no longer being the “expert,” but becoming a student again.

That stayed with me.

Because that’s exactly how so many of us live — not out of fear, but out of vanity.

We get comfortable in the role of the one who knows, who leads, who has the answers.

And without realizing it, we start avoiding anything that might place us back in the position of a beginner.

The ego doesn’t fear failure.

It fears looking small.

And that’s where the sabotage begins.

At work, it’s when you avoid asking for help — just so you won’t look inexperienced.

Or when you can’t accept that someone found flaws in your “innovative” idea.

In relationships, it’s when you’d rather argue than admit you could’ve acted differently.

In motherhood, it’s when you try to hold up the image of the “perfect mom”

even when you’re exhausted — your mind and heart out of sync.

And in life, it’s when you keep walking a path that no longer feels right just because changing direction would feel like “starting over.”

But what does “starting over” really mean?

If every experience has shaped you, you’re not going back — you’re beginning again, but with more awareness.

A client once told me something I never forgot:

“I knew exactly what I needed to change…

but I didn’t want people to think I had failed.”

She wasn’t afraid to start again —

she just didn’t want to disappoint anyone’s expectations.

And that’s exactly how vanity disguises itself.

It wears the mask of fear — but what it’s really protecting is the image.

The truth is, no image can hold the weight of incoherence.

Sooner or later, your body, your mind, or your results will start revealing the cost.

Vanity is deceiving because it looks like strength — but it’s a cage.

It keeps you “put together” on the outside, while quietly preventing you from blooming within.

And the worst part?

It convinces you that you’re being careful — when, in fact, you’re just holding yourself back.

How many times have you avoided trying something new just because you didn’t want to look inexperienced?

How many times have you stayed where you were recognized — even unhappy — because change might make you look uncertain?

How many times have you silenced what you felt just to avoid looking vulnerable?

The truth is, what paralyzes us isn’t the fear of falling.

It’s the fear of not being seen as someone who always stands tall.

But there’s something profoundly freeing about allowing yourself to learn again.

To not need to be right, ready, or flawless all the time.

To understand that change isn’t weakness — it’s maturity.

The ego wants to keep you safe.

But if you don’t let go of the self-image you’ve created, you’ll never truly feel alive — you’ll never know what it means to have a free mind and an unbound soul.

In most cases, what’s holding you back isn’t fear — it’s vanity.

And maybe the first step toward unlocking your life isn’t to plan more, but to drop the performance.

So ask yourself:

“Who would I be if I stopped protecting myself from other people’s opinions?”

“What would I do if I no longer had anything to prove?”

Because it’s in that space — between the need to appear and the courage to be — that real

transformation begins.

With presence and courage,

Priscila Iwama